We have a great God who loves us. I've heard others saying this but didn't really grasp the meaning until today.
I've been selfish, foolish, spoiled...all of the words that you can think of for an annoying six year old because, until tonight, I have not been able to understand the magnificence of God.
Tonight God showed me a part of himself I hadn't seen before, or hadn't allowed myself to see before. I went to a jam night with people that I didn't know very well. I had an amazing time. I spent too much time denying God's love for me that I couldn't grap onto the meaning of his perfect plan. When I met the people I call my "friends from up here", I allowed my insecurities to take place of the blessing that he had given me. When I talked to them about what mattered in my life, I allowed my annoyance of being placed somewhere where I didn't want to go, to overshadow his love for me. When I went to Jam Night, tonight, I came to the conclusion that I've been stupid and foolish, too ignorant of God's plan to even have the ablility to look upon his face. I feel like: Job: after cursing God, David: after sending that man to the front line, Jonah: after the Ninavites recieved the message of God...completely and utterly blind to God's wonderful grace and mercy.
You see...I came to BC with the hope that it wouldn't be anything like Ontario. I came with the quest of finding nothing, seeking to destroy all adventure I found, and not allowing God to work into my life. I was then introduced to 10 people that have changed my life in the 5 days that I have known them; not for the things they've done, but for the love that they have for Jesus Christ, for the acceptance that they have shown me, and for the guidence they have given without so much as a glance at my sins.
God has shown me that he has a plan, that he has friends here-fellowship that I didn't think was possible among people that I know I will grow to love. He has provided me with the revelation that there is no fear in moving on for me, that no matter where I go I will always love, always remember, always long to be with the people that I have known. But he has also shown me that he is able to fill the hole in my heart that has been growing as I moved from one place to another, that although the space of my best friends back home will never be filled, he will create new friends here that will provide me with the encouragement I need.
-Thank-you Lord. I've been so selfish, so blind to the plans you have for me. I've been such a clown in this mess. I love you.
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