Light

Why do I care?
That you got to be there and I here?
My breathe infused with pain begins to slow as I look at photos,
of the place I was suppose to be.
Why is it that you got to see what I so wanted to?
My mind is cursed to believe that this is;
A missed opportunity or a flawed mind,
A catastrophic change in time or maybe just a second that's gone by.
There's no confusion in a world full of pain,
As long as the hurt always stays the same.
Look at me and tell me that you don't care anymore,
Oh God, show me the answers to this silenced conversation of greif.
I'm sick of sitting, trusting, waiting for your answer.
I'm tired of wandering in disbelief, because the next minute was so obscure.
I'm told that being joyful in a time of fear is a beautiful thing,
but why am I never told that it aches like a head pounding...
Pounding so loud that a beat is made out in my ears,
And I can scarsely hear because this beat echoes over and over in my mind.
Lord, why have you left me here to wander aimlessly,
why have you left me alone to wonder?
There's no light switch in this dark room and neither any candles to brighten a corner.
Where am I suppose to walk but out the door?
I want to remember something that pertains to no life of my own,
But how can I remember when I was obviously not alone,
How can I remember when the tears slide down my cheeks
And the memories pierce my heart?
How can I remember when all I remember is being apart,
without you...alone, desperately searching for a place to hide this broken smile.
I've been doing so well without your spitting words,
Doing so well without your dashing looks and rough hands,
Doing so well without the words you displayed that dug into my soul.
Doing so well...
I was making friends, not hiding this frame of God given love.
I am doing so well.

I will continue to shine,
for the Glory of God I will continue to gleam wonderfully amond the sad faces of this nation.
I cannot let a simple boy stand in the way of God's life for me.
I am not make whole by his existance,
nor will I ever be made empty by his absense.
My heart is hidden in a wall of forgiveness,
And I will no longer plead for you,
You are not my light.

John 12:46 " I have come into the world as a light, so that no one who believes in me should stay in darkness."