In China, Cherry Blossoms mean that it's spring.
But...It's not spring here.

Give it up Tess, would you?

Give me the opportunity to do something nice for someone Lord,
give me to chance...because

I want to be able to see when peoples feet need washing,
I need to be able to see when people need tea.

Let's throw me out and get a new one because I'm just not matchin up to my thought of me...

A friend loves at all times, But who a better friend than you?
A child so carefree in your arms, Who a better father than you?

And I have so many plans of my own, so many questions that I have for you Lord...
Like what in heavens name is with this bible study idea?
Why tea with people that need to know you, not me?
Why face my fears when they are so much more easily vanquished into storybooks and fairytales.

"I want to be love, and have love, and not just that sort of romantic love either."-Hathaway

And lately I've been questioning why?

Why is he home so unfrequently?... And why do I want to badly to just speak with him? And could I just have some dang time to figure it out?....

And sadly enough I've been making a list of to do's...

To do...
1. Go to van. Why? -rule out as dumb idea....unless.
1. a) revised...Go to van and have tea with two lovely ladies.
2. Have a bible study. Why?
SO MANY GOOD REASONS--who is there out there who needs not to learn? And furthermore, acting on the faith that I know is missing, will create it. God be my guide. And I don't need to speak the right words, I don't need to be intense or unique. I don't even need to say a word. Because his word is sufficient.
3. Go to tea with people that are important to him...because, well because he's important to me and because God is love...and love is relationships.
....side note....
Is it not weird that it's always about goin out to tea?

It's like...there's so much more.

4. Talk to dad.
5. Call Ontario...call all.
6. Cut hair.
7. Read books.
8. YOU KNOW??????????

"He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him." --John 1:10

I don't want my love to be recognized by the world...but by the word, by God.

I just don't want to be dumb anymore.

9. Love...and Pray.

Somewhere between this morning and tonight,

I came to the conclusion that you are definitely just as good of a friend, as you are a boyfriend.

And that I've lost what I'm looking for.
I was waiting for an answer, something to give me the go on being with you for this time...
And I'm not sure if this calm reassuring peace means anything,
But it's been a constant stance in my heart that's beating.
I don't know if you can see me,
But I'm breaking in an unexpected way.
All of the things that have torn me down, are being discarded.
You're showing me how to be a servant,
How to show the Lords love...his grace.

"Lay awake at night. Cry, you know it's not alright to feel like your falling into nothing, you can learn to fly, just call his name."

And I think I'm just growing a mess of nothingness.
It's so rediculous.
It's almost as though I know I don't need you,
But I would rather not leave without you.

More than that though, I want to know you. I want to know what makes you angry, I want to know what makes you sad, I want to know how you drive, and what your hair looks like when you wake up in the morning.
It's so dumb because I would like to know how you show so much love for the Lord, and how I can do it.

You say that you'll wait until you're 40, that you are at peace with waiting for me to look to God and find an answer.

My wonderful question is, what if I never do?

I want to know.

Memories

There's one simple action I have remember for as long as I can think of things.

One day my mother and I were at Tim Hortons.
We'd grabbed our meals, held hands, and prayed for the meal.
When we were halfway done eating a lady from a couple tables away from us got us and walked past us, before she left, putting a napkin beside my mum on the table.

My mum looked at me, looked at the ladies back as she walked away and picked up the napkin.
I'm sure she had no idea what to expect.

When she looked at the napkin there were a couple words on it. Something like this...

"It's so great to see those who love the Lord, praying together in worship of him. Thank-you for encouraging those around us, and thank-you for renewing my hope in this world."

I don't know why but I've never been able to get that lady out of my head.

Isn't it so simple to encourage others in their faith. Isn't it so easy to sit and pray before a meal.