This is me not really being okay.

Not really being upset.

Not being content.



Everything is such a mess.



Clouded in the vision of all of this indecision is a brief feeling of okayness.

I feel like somehow in the midst of all this crap there is also a reason to be thankful.



I thought that families being united would bring me a sense of conclusiveness. But it hasn't.

It's brought the same doubt as before. The same worry and the same lack of involvement.

I don't know what I want.

I thought I wanted us to all be together. I thought I wanted to know, and now I find out that I don't.