Past my Norm.

"So stand in the rain,
Stand your ground.
Stand up when it's all crashing down.
If you stand through the pain,
You won't drown
And one day whats lost can be found.
You stand in the rain"

Today I went past my norm. Past my shield of concience safety. Past my protective helmet...and into the open of fear. I've always been told it feels good to do what you love, So why does this suck so much?

I sang at a coffee shop tonight-My dream. I sang and a played guitar...and I did my best. I shook with fear, I stumbled with shadows of doubt, and I played on. I played with my heart on my sleeve, and the ability for everyone to percieve who I am. I played for my Dad, and I played for me.

But...I feel so insignificant. She played after me and it was as though I couldn't compare. She's going back and it's as if I don't dare play again. I'm afraid that once again I will go below the level of "goodness" that I should be at...And my God, he gave me this talent but I can't seem to begin to achieve what I should. I played for him and I feel so...small, useless, unworthy, second-best, miserable about the whole experience because I know that she did better.

I went past my norm. I sang by myself, and if it's something to feel proud about, why do I feel so sad?