And these are the nights i sit and reminisce, and wish.
Why have you left me?

His Voice

"...evangelism without His Presence is nothing but clanging cymbals, like form without substance; so in the same way only intimacy with Him begets true evangelism, an overflow of his Presence in our lives unto the lives of others..."-Sam
Once again a reminder that I don't have to be perfect to stand before the King: that I don't have to 'feel Him' or 'hear Him' to know that He is there. Sometimes I get boggled down with the upstanding assumption that "We must always preach, We must always evangelize the Lord." instead of realizing that holding back and allowing him to help me hear his voice, is what is most needed in my life. I get so ashamed that I can't hear his speaking that I feel I must speak, when instead the only voice I need to hear is not my own, but his.

I want...

My joy's been slowly flitting away,
I'm wondering now if I want it to stay.
These thoughts all bottled up here,
I want to hear Jesus coming near.
Instead of these stupid lies that tell me I'm not good enough,
Make me want to compromise,
What I know is true in my life...
I want to be loved, and have love...and give love.
I want to show others what it means to be unconditional.
I want to be real,
not like the cartoons on Disney.
I want inspirations,
A breathe of revitalization.
There's a new wind blowing.
I hope it isn't fake or unreal because I'm unwilling to steal another's glory.
I don't want to see anyone else being put below me.
I should live to be a servant not a ghost,
Like Jesus.
I want to be like Ruth; selfless and deserving,
Like David; afraid but yearning,
Like Paul; brave and sure,
Like Peter; shown mercy....
All of these willing to endure hardships.
To press unto joy until the end,
Being sure of God, Messiah, Yahweh, Jesus Christ.
Being sure.

I want to be sure.
I want to have faith and joy.
I want to love.

Problems here. No one to talk to. I don't understand, I can't figure out what's going on. Am I falling away, or just falling asleep? Afraid of love but never wanting to loose this chance. I'm so unaware of the way that I feel until there's this time when I realize that I'm backing away. I will never feel good enough. I can't compete against you anymore. I can't cheat this prize.