am i the one to blame?

i am the one to blame?
i'm going insane.
your stupid jokes,
my brain just smokes.
i'm tired and confused,
feeling sort of abused.
as i try to figure out
find a space to pout,
out all of these insaities,
weary extremeties,
lost and belittled,
always in the middle
of these rights and fights,
and great bright lights.

am i the one to blame?
for all of these reasons that you came.
for the fact that you still call me,
and the reason that i can only see,
you when i look in the mirror,
feel no pain as the oven seers,
my hand.
in the middle of band-practice.
and it hurts,
when you are curt.

am i the one to blame?
for your helpeless desires,
for the way you burn your tires
on a road marked for home.
all i can see it the white foam,
covering up your eyes,
making me believe all your lies.
You say your okay,
everything that you say,
makes me believe that your not,
and i'm caught...
wondering...
am i the one to blame?

I met a boy-I met a man

I met a boy with deep brown hair,
and with his eyes this boy would stare,
right through my face into my soal,
his eyes would chase each lonely hole.
And with his hands he'd cover up,
the hole in which i'd dug apart.
My life would never be the same,
since this boy came and took the blame.
He cried for all my tears, my pain.

Anguish filled,
God's heart was stilled,
When this boy came alive.
For he did know,
this boy would show,
a flame that would always strive.
A boy no longer now a man,
he's grown so passion filled.
For God's great love and mercy,
once burst can never be stilled.

I met a man who cannot see,
the joy that set him free.
He once was found,
but now feels drowned,
in lives enxieties.
He needs to fine the faith inside,
thats screaming to get out.
The faith that other see in him,
the faith they live without.

Be strong young man,
please don't be shy,
the fear you feel will soon run dry.
The fights been one, is over, done.
For Will, you are the saviours son.

*To my friend Will...He wrote a poem about me and I thought I'd repay the favour.

Enchanted

Swept,
off your feet.
Unkept,
Make-up streaming dow,
down,
down,
your beautiful unsound,
tear streaked,
unbound,
angelic like,
face.
And I cannot keep my place,
In this chase,
of wrongs and rights,
and cake fights,
techno lights,
the race of life,
to move past strife.
But where did I go wrong?

My enchanted,
I thought I'd found,
roofs were slanted,
till I jumped to the ground,
grasped a ray of reality,
and realized...
I'd lost my sanity.

To believe he was the right one,
to think I'd put myself before his gun,
I'd lost my sight,
the true red light,
the blood streaming,
gleaming,
down your tired striken,
pain filled,
anger stilled,
wonderful, majestic,
glorious,
face...

And to think now,
I still believe,
somehow,
that his love for me shall be percieved,
when all I can think about is how obsene,
drama queen,
self centred,
pity gleaned,
sadened,
frusterated,
heartless,
I am being.

*Author note: He will never know how much I care because God has not told me we will ever be together. And God is who I rely on. It is no longer a matter of faith right now, it has been combined with commen sense.

The call

A couple weeks ago I encountered a friend of mine. He was having problems, huge problems, because at his age he believed he should be in a relationship with someone. He would pray and pray about his problem but never recieved an answer from God.

One night he came to my house so broken and without hope, searching for an answer to his problem. He came into my house and as soon as everyone was in bed, broke down and cried, telling me everything that was on his mind. After crying for a couple minutes he swifly got up and walked out of my house. As I closed the door behind him i knelt down to pray in my front hallway asking God to give him an answer, to just give him something to live on for the next couple of week. I heard the front door squeek open as he tip-toed back into my house.

He turned to me, with one last thing to say. "What I am suppose to do?"

As I racked my brain for an answer something came to me, something that I hadn't thought of.

"Do you remember that story in the bible? The one about Samuel and his master. One night Samuel was lyeing down in his bed sleeping when he heard someone say to him, "Samuel."
Samuel got up and went to ask his master what he wanted. His master said that he didn't call him and to go back to bed. Once again Samuel heard his name being called and went to ask his master what he could do for him. His master once again told him to go to bed. A third time Samuel heard his name being called and went to ask his master why he was calling him. His master, realizing that God was calling to Samuel, said, "Samuel, when you hear your voice being called again answer, "Yes Lord, I'm listening."

God will not leave you nor forsake you. If you dont' hear what he's trying to tell you, the first time he tellls you, he is going to tell you again and again until you answer him saying, "Yes Lord, I'm listening." Don't be afraid that you won't hear what he's saying. As long as your waiting for his answer he'll keep trying to get a hold of you."

As my friend thanked me and left I realized that God had told me to tell him that story.

When you feel as though you are all alone and can't hear God's voice just listen because he may be calling you, waiting for you to answer and he wont' stop calling until you do.

Jesus Branded

As I start a new year at school I'm beginning to get anxious about how things are going to play out. The thing is, my most important ambition this year, and every year to come, is to witness to others about Jesus' love and forgiveness. I'm a talkative person so this should be easy, right?

Wrong.

It continues to get harder as I grow older because I'm getting more and more concious of the the thoughts of others around me. I know it shouldn't bother me when others look down on me or persecute me for my faith, but it does.

I always wonder how to bring up the subject of Jesus or how to show others the he loves them. I know the answer for all of this is my actions : what i do and say is the MOST important witness I can ever give-but I don't really think it's as easy as everyone says it is.

About a year ago I was searching for some kind of witness with what I wear. I know modesty is key but a certain points of time the same pair of t-shirt and jeans or dress can get visibly and physically boring. I found a sight called Jesus Branded and within it I encountered an amazing way to witness to others.

There is so much beautiful, creative, wonderful clothing that completely glorifies God and outwardly shows his love for humanity. The words and pictures on the clothing are conversation starters for believers who want to show and speak the love langauge of Jesus, but don't know how to start.

http://www.jesusbranded.com/ is the site that the t-shirts can be bought at. If your looking for a new way to bring the most important father in your life in the lives of others, buy a shirt, and use it as a witness. Be Jesus Branded